the early november

I haven't felt this feeling in a while.
maybe i just want to feel it so i can say that there is indeed something unusually wrong about me. maybe its the fact that i am uncomfortable being around large groups of people, or that i have panic attacks, it could be the fact that i feel as though i am completely empty inside and feel i just don't give a shit to care or know anyone.
my batteries at eight percent and the charger is broken.
stuffed against my bedside i hear my animated friends all correlating in the their own little black box, being extra sneaky. i cut my ties to cut my hair. i stopped thinking and started being an idiot. i always relapse. they say its the gateway drug, what do they say is the gateway drug? My aunt is the only person i know that listens to the beautiful girls and she passed away, i miss her. i'm depressed. that's my conclusion. i am depressed, and i don't need anyone to help me. i can hide behind these brown eyes until i rot inside. its not like anyone is going to open me up and try to fix shit. i don't like you but i need to butter you up and drink your blood before the sun rises, you know the drill. no emotion, no emotion, no emotion. its all fake. i am all fake. i am not real. this is what im trying to get instilled into your skulls, i have absolutely no feelings. i could give sixhundredandsixetysix shits about you, you slimy useless fuck tard. i miss you. why do i feel as though no one will ever compare. oh you know, im a fucking moron. get this shit out of my head! please, please do so. you talk all big and bad but you don't do anything, when will you change, i know you don't want to, you never do.


xoxo